Investments

Since I started dating Frank I've continued working on weight-loss through diet and have added CrossFit to my world. It's not the most natural thing for me. I have put plenty of thought, as you might expect, into ferreting out why that is. Part of the reason I feel like it's important to know why it's not in my nature to do something is so that I can build a good case for shifting behaviors.

What I've come to is that my familial culture was not one of investing in health. I happen to come from a people who are somehow relatively healthy early in life but who don't put work into staying that way. My Dad's side of the family seems to stay healthy for a pretty long time except that he had a heart attack in his early 50's. The rest of his family, as far as I know, seem to do pretty well into their 70's and 80's when they get cancer or suffer from heart disease. That's just how it's been. Pretty strong teeth too, I might add... something I obsess about. My Mom's family is similar except that things fall apart a little earlier with diabetes and heart disease. I have always accepted that you lose your health when you get old. I actually thought all old people had their teeth pulled and got false teeth when they got to some certain age and was fairly terrified at how much that must hurt!

Because of this, I used to always say I just didn't want to get old. A few years ago I heard myself saying this and suddenly realized a couple of things. First was the fact that I was going to die young if I kept saying I didn't want to get old. It's just how it works, right? Self-fulfilling prophecy. Secondly, I realized it just wasn't true. It wasn't that I didn't want to be old. In actuality, there was just a certain kind of old I didn't want to be. Realizing that, there was suddenly this plan emerging that would include me doing the things that I could do, within my control, to invest in a healthy old age.

With that in mind and coupled with my realization that my ability to do karate had turned to utter shit with the addition of extra weight, I started dieting, met Frank, continued dieting, and started CrossFit. I will not tell you that I enjoy CrossFit. I'm fighting against a culture that taught me it was normal to fall apart and to not exercise. My people do not exercise. CrossFit is the hardest exercise I have ever done. If it weren't for the constant improvement I see, I would probably have stopped already. My family doesn't, save for a small group of exceptions, consistently use mindful decision making as a basis for nutritional intake. My people are smokers and tv-watchers. I love these people and I recognize that doing what they do will lead me to exactly the state I don't want to be in.

Is my decision to continually beat up my body and not eat cake based solely upon my commitment to aging gracefully? Hell no! I want to be hot! I want to look good naked. I want to be better at karate and, by extension, better at teaching karate. I want to be stronger and faster and did I mention hot? Regardless, the pure intentions and the less than pure intentions are succeeding so far in keeping me at it. It is making it possible for me to balance body, mind and spiritual matters as well. I attach a lot more to my body than I should. It is difficult at times. Doing things to make my body more functional helps with those issues.

Investments... The best one I have going right now is my decision to not passively watch my body turn to shit. I'm happy about it. Thanks, Frank. Thanks, CrossFit. Thanks, Darren. :)

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"Your body is precious. It is our vehicle for awakening. Treat it with care." ~Buddha