On becoming...

Sometimes I feel like I blog about the same thing over and over. I guess that's life. Perhaps this time I will find a new angle.

I'm still working on imagining more clearly who I'm becoming. I am coming to the realization that owning a home has seemed like self-imprisonment to me for a long time. After several days of emotional upheaval because the friend who I rent from set loose the raper of all things green upon the house that is not mine but that I have called home, I realize that owning a home ties one to a place on some level but also offers the freedom to make long-term commitments. Chickens and gardens and bees make more sense in a place that I can call mine and a place that doesn't include asking permission to do what I want to do. I am already checking with a couple banks/credit unions to see if my self-employment is still a hindrance to getting a mortgage. If it is, I'm at a point to find some other way to get into a house with a big yard and space for fruit trees.

This is just one of the dreams for my becoming that is emerging/re-emerging. Piggybacking on my urge to reinvigorate my spiritual life and work as a teacher is my re-reading The Fifth Sacred Thing by Starhawk. I'm remembering the call to study healing arts that I felt and followed more than a decade ago. A bit of massage training and certification as a Reiki Instructor were my answers to the call then. That opening up to spirituality is what lead me to ministerial training. I'm feeling drawn towards more, now. In the book there is this amazing blend of spirituality and science that is utilized for wellness. In moving towards sustainability through an urban homestead, I realize that I'm looking for ways to be more responsible for my own health in general. I also want to have more tools available to me that will help others find that space as well. I am not opposed in total to allopathic medicine. I do believe there are other ways. I do believe that no amount of health reform could replace the simple fact that we have a lot more power over our own wellness than we believe. I am open to finding the next best step in empowering myself to empower others. CrossFit with Frank has been a part of this awakening. The way we eat has been huge as well. It has been a great journey thus far and I am excited to keep growing alongside this person who has pushed me to ask new questions about what I'm capable of.

In the big picture, I know that I will be an eccentric guy with lots of answers and more questions who loves to bring a bag of fruits and veggies from my yard to folks who eat too much junk. I want to be the old, wise person in the neighborhood who you ask about the rash on your arm, the hurt feelings from a breakup, or what the best herbs are for a tisane to calm your nerves at the end of the day. It's what I have always wanted to be, I think. The Church Within and the training I received there to be an ordained minister taught me how to connect on a very deep level with people to approach spiritual work. Broad Ripple Martial Arts put me in my body in a way I'd never experienced so that I could be present in that way with others. CrossFit and the nutritional plan that go with it are helping me move forward in that direction. Now I want a broader set of solutions to offer folks and the confidence that comes with good training. I am remembering to be open to my intuition again. It is all connected... still.

No matter what happens in the world, we all just keep on becoming.