Looking for something

I'm still not sure what to the think of the world after my experience at Palyul Temple in Ohio. I'm still living in it, though, so I'm just doing my best. All that has been going to and through my mind has been keeping me from blogging. I've felt like I have to rethink what it is I have to offer the world. Again, unsure.

However, I still have stories. Last week I was preparing to do my daily mantra practice and decided I wanted to draw a nice HUNG to use as part of my initial visualization. I immediately grabbed my bag of 20+ colors of sharpies and was looking for paper. I spied an old blank book I'd had for years and thought it might have a blank page so I opened it up to the middle. The page I opened to had notes on it from when I was in the Ministerial Studies Program that was preparation for becoming an ordained minister at The Church Within. The notes were from The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche. Could've been a coincidence. The page had on it a quote I'd just read from the current Tibetan text I'm reading called The Words of My Perfect Teacher by Patrul Rinpoche. I try to pay attention to such things.

While I was flipping through the notes I'd taken several years ago I found a prayer I'd written down. I assume it's from the book we were studying. A friend of mine who believes only what he sees was recently asking me what I want from Buddhism. He stated that he thinks religion was probably needed when we were evolving into modern humans but that it's become a crutch that limits us. It's hard to answer someone honestly about your aspirations once they've shared that they think everything to do with religion is indicative of character flaws and weakness. In response I wiggled out of it as best I could instead of telling him what I really wanted. The prayer in this notebook sums it up. Do I know that Buddhism can offer that? What do any of us know? Other religions that have touched my life have told me how to secure my own 'salvation' or that I couldn't get what they could get because I wasn't born one. Buddhism offers me a way to offer freedom to all sentient beings. That is the rhythm of my heart.

This is what I want. As usual, I found it while looking for something else.

May I be a protector to those without protection,
a leader for those who journey,
and a boat, a bridge, a passage
for those desiring the further shore.

May the pain of every living creature
be completely cleared away.
May I be the doctor and the medicine.
And may I be the nurse
for all sick beings in the world.

Just like space
and the great elements such as Earth,
May I always support the life of all the boundless creatures.

And until they pass away from pain,
May I also be the source of life.
For all the realms of varied beings
that reach unto the ends of space.

Google says it is from a guide to the Bodhisattva's way of life by Shantideva. It is what I want from whatever path can give it to me.