Creeds

When I was a kid I attended a little Presbyterian church that was right next to the house I lived in. While there are endless memories from that place, the one on my mind this morning was about The Apostles' Creed. It was spoken every Sunday morning during the service. We said it as a group. I, however, was a kid and didn't understand that catholic and Catholic were different and I refused to say that line because I wasn't Catholic. I was a Presbyterian, whatever that must have meant at the time, and wasn't going to speak anything other than that. It's funny looking back and thinking about which lines of that statement I wouldn't be willing to speak now knowing what I know. The word catholic would not be a problem.

I came to this thinking because of another creed that I now utter often. At the start of every karate class we speak the words of The Students' Creed. At different times I've thought about the these words and have thought about their implications on my life as a student of karate but moreover, as a person living life in this world. Often times, honestly, I have to stop myself from saying amen at the end if I'm really thinking about what I'm saying.

The creed we use...

I will build true confidence through knowledge of the mind, honesty of the heart, and strength of the body. I will offer friendship to others and strive to build a strong community. I will, as a black belt, win the battle within myself and never fight to achieve selfish ends.

Last Saturday I had a series (of 2) unfortunate run-ins with a higher rank. I suppose the biggest part of it was about differences in perception. Another part continues to be about where he is in his life, karate career, and how he views success and himself in relation to it coupled with how he views me. As it stands, I went to my instructor to talk about my interaction with him, the email exchange that followed it, and where I am on it now because that is where the buck stops for me. I leaned that my instructor has had a similar exchange with this same guy about things not related to me and is feeling pretty much as I did and do feel now.

Sensei and I had a good conversation about what's going on in all of it if one strips away the 'situation' and looks at it without so much filtering. It was very good. I spoke of the positive take-aways for me. I have been more willing to look at this person's feedback regardless the manner in which he's offering it and discerning where I need to make adjustments. The other, more important, behavioral adjustment on my part was that I didn't just buy what this guy had to say about another friend's involvement. When I was about to shoot off a pissy text I decided to man-up and call my good friend and ask where he stood on all of it. What I found was that he and I were clearly at different places with opinions but that he had not been part of a bitch session as I'd been lead to believe. I could have followed an old pattern and just believed what I made up based on poor information and screwed up one of my most growth inducing and longest standing friendships. I'm glad I took a breath and thought it through.

Karate can be a weird thing. As a second degree black belt I am to have no opinions of a higher rank. In my normal school setting, there is only one higher rank and there is no power struggle there at all. He has been my instructor since the start and there is no question about how things are set up. It's just easy. In part it is because of my perception of him. More than that, as he and I discussed last night, is that he has no question about his role and who he is. He is not looking at my willingness to blindly nod and submit as validation for his "power" because it just isn't a question. The rest of the time I'm working with people who are of the same rank as me or lower. It has been a great experience in that we have all benefited from sharing ideas related to teaching, practice, improvement, and some pretty honest feedback about where we are, where we've been, and where we need to head in our martial arts work. The point is, we all see it as a journey that doesn't end. Karate continues to be one of the most transformative practices of my life.

The point of all this is that right after this discussion with my sensei I bowed onto the mat for black belt class and spoke that creed. I looked at him and think that we were having a similar experience. That creed drives our lives. Our lives also drive that creed. I can't say that for this other person who I've been having trouble with. I can say that I need to figure out how to make that unimportant to me. I am responsible for myself, my school, and my students. I have to trust that higher ranks are on their own journey and my work is simply to do my best for my students in the presence of others. I recommitted myself to my vows of ministry with the last ordination class as I sat silently on the stage and they made their own promises. I am recommitting myself to these vows as well. If they are just words then my karate practice is just empty movement. That is not how I choose to spend my time. I choose to more and more be the action behind the symbolism of my words.